7 Comedians Decide Who Wins $1000 | 1000 to 1 | Cut


– I think we all know what we wanna say, but we’re just afraid of being mean. – Just say it, you just
wanna vote me off, Chris. – Yes. – Yeah. (laughter) (ominous music) – [Interviewer] Hey guys. – What’s up. – [All] Hey! – [Interviewer] How do you
guys all know each other? – We’re all comedians. Whoo! (laughter) – [Interviewer] Do you guys
all do stand up comedy, or improv or…? – Hell no to improv. What? Stand up.
– Stand up comedy. – Stand up.
– Eurgh. – [Interviewer] Okay, cool. So, today you guys are playing 1000 to 1. (gasps) We’re gonna do three elimination rounds until we get down to three people, and then those three people have to decide who leaves with a thousand dollars. Round one officially begins now. (timer dings) – Chris, immediately, he has to go.
– What, okay what? – I want Chris out. What did I, why, why me? – It’s just too much space, too early on. – Oh, yeah, you are loud. – This sounds personal, this sounds like you have
beef with me, personally. – I don’t really know you like that. I just know that I want my money. – [Interviewer] Point to the person who’s had the most success as a comedian. – Oh. – Essentially, we’re just pointing to see who’s old (laughter) – Who’s old, and beard hair are the longest?
– You’re not old, baby, you’re not old. – Thank you. – [Interviewer] So, does
that mean Mike should be out? – Yes.
– Or does that mean – [Interviewer] he should stay in? – No, I don’t know. – Hey, wow! You’re so quick to flip here. – I don’t know, I don’t know. – Who’s not making money in comedy? – Oh. – Hell yeah, gang gang. – Yeah, I have no dignity, I’m not making any money. (laughs) – We gotta decide, we’re running out of time here. – What if we treat it like “Survivor”, like, who needs the money
the most, or something. – Yeah. I’m really passionate about you
know, just starving children in Africa, so I, with
this thousand dollars, would take it to go volunteer
and help these children. – You just told me in the
bathroom you hated Africa. You said that shit. – You think a thousand
dollars does way more than it actually does. – I would use it on clothes, – Yes, there we go, tell the truth.
– and shoes. – That is the truth. – One, as a part time comedian, I have a lot of credit card debt. (laughter) Two, my girlfriend and I are
planning on going on vacation, and I could use it to pay for that. – Oh shut the (mumbles). – And that’s it. – Well, I probably would
just put it into savings, and then just keep living frugally, which means like not buying new underwear, or new clothes, you know, just like. – Spell frugal. – F, R, U. – Get the fuck out, you’re done dude. – I guess mine’s kind
of the same as Gen’s, I’d probably save it, or just
put it all back into comedy and stuff so. – I would use my money, I
would pocket half of it, then I’d give the rest to my parents. – [Mike] Aww, that’s good. – Eh, next. (laughs) – That is not true, half of
that is gonna go to PBRs. – Well, that’s my half
that’s going to PBRs, and Rainier’s too, thank you very much. – Good news, just moved
out of my parents house, (cheers and applause) – Thank you Bad news, can’t afford furniture, so. – [All] Aww.
– Womp, womp. – Do you really need to sit? (laughter)
Like, how often are you home. – Fuck, probably go to Mexico,
and hang with my friend. Just like do what I normally do, just blow it all on stuff. (laughter) – [Interviewer] What kind of stuff? – That’s a loaded question. – Why’re you coming in
mysterious, and shit like that? – [Interviewer] You guys gotta decide. – Okay. – All right. – I’m like shaking, you guys. – Fellas, fellas, here we go, first vote is for Chris. – [All] Wow. – Chris has one. – Chris has two. – Wow! – Mike has one, that’s me, okay. – Oh, god! Me! One more for me. (all groan) And it’s me. (cheers and applause) What’s the last vote? It’s Summer – You fake ass bitches. (laughter) – Bye, everybody. – Bye, buddy. I voted for myself because
I didn’t know who to choose. (all exclaim) – Get the fuck outta here. – Now I get to go to the fun couch, right? This is what I wanted. – Mike, I want you to know I love you. – I love you, too. – [Interviewer] Round two begins now. (timer dings)
– Oh, okay. – I think we all know what we wanna say, but we’re just afraid of being mean. – Just say it, you just
want to vote me off, Chris. – Yes. – [Arijana] Yeah. (laughter) – Why don’t you all just say a name, and I’ll be counting here on my fingers, who has the most. – Okay. – I feel like you guys can just say it at once.
– We could just point. – Yeah, let’s point. – Mike, count us down. Count us down. – 3, 2, 1, point. – I felt the hands, is that weird? – All right, who had the most? – [Mike] She had the most. Arijana had the most. – (laughs) I’m going. Oh wow, with the (laughs). – Hello, welcome to the loser’s lounge. – I know. – It feels good. – This is great, Chris is so loud. (laughter) – I’m surprised I’m still here, dude. – [Interviewer] Arijana,
did that seem fair to you? – It was fair, if that
is what we chose, yeah. – [Interviewer] How are you guys feeling? – Awful. – My heart is racing. – This is really stressful. – Didn’t we say in the
big room that Abraham was gonna lay down at some point? – Yeah, we did. – He always sleeps on the couch, so he’s just at home right now.
– Do you guys live together? – No. – Me and Summer do, so I mean. – And that is accurate, he
does sleep on the couch a lot. – They live at The Trench. – You live at The Trench? – Yeah. I didn’t know that.
– Yeah. – [Interviewer] What is The Trench? (laughter) – Now, that is a long question. – That’s a long story. – No, no, no, it’s like
a comedian flophouse for anybody that’s out of town. It’s like one of them, there’s like three or four in the city. – “House” is a generous term. – [Interviewer] Are you
proud to live there? – No, not at all. Six fucking roommates? No, no thanks. – [Interviewer] So you don’t
have any money? (laughs) (Chris laughs) Okay, the next round begins now. (timer dings) – Do we start playing games now, or are we gonna keep doing
the psychological warfare. Are we gonna keep ruining
all of our friendships? – I got a good idea. Tell a street joke, like a
joke that’s silly, and dumb, and pun-ny, and whoever
has the best street joke, ’cause it’s supposed to be stupid. – Okay. – Yeah, yeah, yeah. – I’m down with that. – Why was the tomato blushing? – Why was the tomato blushing? – ‘Cause he saw the salad dressing. (laughs) (Mike speaks indistinctly)
– You loved that. – I like really shitty, dumb jokes. (laughter) This is all selfish for me. Who’s next? – So, a guy walks into a costume party with a girl on his back. And some dude’s like, “What are you?” And he goes “I’m a
turtle, that’s Michelle.” – Oh, I do love that.
(applause) That’s great. – A seal walks into a club, ouch. – [Arijana] Okay, go ahead Chris. – Did you hear the joke about the broom? – No. – Sweeping the nation. – [Summer] I like that. – I like it too. – It was okay for me, it was okay. – It’s okay, (speaks indistinctly). – I was trying to be really
quiet, so I wouldn’t have to go. (laughs) – But I couldn’t think of any. One of my Dad’s favorite jokes, how many people with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? – [All] How many? – Wanna go ride bikes? (laughter) – That’s great. – [Arijana] We think the front
row should have immunity. – Yeah.
– ‘Cause all of those were solid. – They were solid. Now you two, – Uh huh. – [Mike] You do one more street joke each, and the three of them vote. – Yeah.
– Ohhh! – Okay, let’s do it. – Okay – I can’t remember any cheesy
(Summer laughs) – So, I went to a comedy club recently, it was pretty good, it
was a all right night, it was a open mic night. And this block of cheese was
performing for the first time, it was their first time
going up, and damn it, I was gonna say it was
a pretty cheesy bar, I said cheese. Yeah, I fucked up. Chris. (laughter) – Well, we know who’s leaving. – Dude, ah. – I can’t think of any
cheesy street jokes. – Should they rock paper (murmurs). – I’m scared right now. – Wait, we could rock paper scissors. – You can do that. – So, let’s do it, let’s
rock paper scissors. – Best two out of three. On shoot. – [Both] Rock, paper scissors, shoot. – [Both] Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. – [All] Aww. – Get the fuck out. Yeah, fuck you, fuck you. Kiss my ass, whatever, bye. – Good luck getting booked. – Oh, my god. (laughter) – You know what, if I’m
going to lose to anybody, I wanna lose to Abraham. – What? – [Summer] That’s true friendship. – How are you guys? You guys are all right? – I’m, you know, just vibing, I guess.
– This is a stressful. – This is stressful. – ‘Cause I have to see you guys. – Yeah. – Probably in the near future, so I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to be too ferocious. – It’s getting more tense now. – [Genevieve] Yeah. – You feel it in the air. – [Interviewer] The round begins now. (timer dings) – Okay, how do we feel
about another competition, but not jokes? – [Genevieve] Yeah. – You were talking about a game. – Yeah, let’s do a game. – Let’s do a game. Let’s just like, make
this (speaks indistinctly) – How about we do like a “Price is Right” kind of number guessing? – Yeah. – Oh, what if we come up with the number. – Yeah, just closest number
between highest and lowest. – And the person who’s
the farthest, I guess, has to get kicked off. – That’s fair. – Yes, I guess that’s fair. – We’re gonna do between
one and a hundred. – Okay. – Gen, you wanna start? – Seven. – [Arijana] Okay. – Twenty. – [Arijana] Okay. – Sixty-six. – [Arijana] Ooh. – Seventy-nine. – [Together] Ooh. – [Arijana] Okay, ready? – I’m not gonna look. – It was sixty-nine. – Holy shit! – There was a closer one. – Fuck, damn it.
– I knew it! – Genevieve, say your goodbyes. – No, no! Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, can I switch with Gen? – No. – She needs it way more than I do. – No, no, no.
– I, no, I’m dippin’, I’m dippin’, I’m dipping . – No, no, please, please.
– You take my spot, no. Gen, for real. (sighs) – Welcome to the couch of friendship. – Thank you. – [Interviewer] So, he was about to give up his space for you. – I know, but ultimately, we had a set of rules and it’s fair, like I didn’t get it, and I think that I want to preserve the integrity of the game. – [Mike] That’s good, that’s honesty. – [Interviewer] Abraham, why did you want to
swap out for Genevieve? – Because we’re like, really good buddies, and like, it hit me real fast, like, I don’t fucking really need the pressure of getting this money this way. Like, it’s not wrong of wanting the money, it’s just, I know for
a fact if she had won, she would have been like here’s like half, a hundred percent. – [Interviewer] The
final round begins now. (timer dings) – All right! (laughter) – Silence makes me uncomfortable. – This is gonna be interesting, ’cause we’re going to
see who the nice, like, person is, you know? – Umm. ‘Cause some one person’s probably
gonna vote for themselves, and if the other two break, and are nice. – That doesn’t mean you’re not nice, it just means you’re strategic. – That could be it too, yeah, that’s true. – I don’t like this. – Well, I’ll say, I’m a
glass half full kinda gal. So, it’s like, if I don’t
leave with the money I didn’t have the money to begin with. – You can’t miss what you never had. – So, it’s like, oh I can’t
be, I’m not gonna be upset, but I’m not gonna be at
home crying over this. – Yeah. – I like how vile this started, and then now, everyone’s just being nice. – Well, I feel like we
all know each other, so we roast each other,
and it’s like, generally, comics are mean, (laughs)
so it starts fun. – Are you all three tight with each other? – Not really.
– Yeah, so that’s the thing. – That’s why. (laughs) – Everyone wants to say themselves, and they just don’t want to say it. – [Interviewer] Summer, what’s going through your head right now? – (laughs) I just want people to like me, and they don’t like you when you’re rich. (laughter) – [Interviewer] Do you think comedians want to be liked more than other people? – [All] Yes. – One hundred percent. – [Interviewer] Why is that? – Well, it’s ’cause you
have to go on stage, and you wanna make people laugh. Like that’s the goal, is to please people. So, obviously, it attracts people that are people-pleasers, I think. – Yeah, there’s validation
in hearing someone laugh at something you came up with, you know? Feels pretty good. – [Interviewer] How about
you all do one final vote, and then we’ll see who comes out on top. – [Summer] Yeah, where’s the… – Do you guys have paper ballots? – Are we gonna vote? – Yeah. – Can we vote? – Okay, here we go. First vote, for the winner, Ella, one. Second vote, Summer. Final vote, Summer. (applause and cheers) – Wait a minute, who voted for themselves? – I did.
– We both voted for ourselves. – You can’t trick a real bitch. You can’t trick a real bitch. (laughs) (applause and cheers) – How are you feeling? – Yeah, I’m glad this shit,
motherfucker’s over, dude. – I feel like I’ve been through a lot. – You got a thousand
dollars, think about that. – Just fuck it. – [Interviewer] Congrats, Summer. (applause and cheers) How was this experience for you? – It was really great knowing who doesn’t wanna root for you. – [Interviewer] Would
you guys play this again? – Fuck no! – Ah. – Yeah.
– I would. – Yeah.
– Yeah, I would. – It’s like hanging out with friends. (laughter) (energetic violin music)

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